Hit or Miss: Documentaries

You really shouldn’t try to write and play fetch with your cat at the same time but I’m going to give it my best shot. I love a good documentary. I don’t really know many people who don’t, granted I don’t know many people at all, but the statement is still true. It’s just fun to learn the inner workings of an occurrence. Most of the documentaries you will find me watching are about murder or cults. Judge me if you will but if something particularly sketchy wasn’t in the works then I’m not interested. I’ve been on a bit of a kick over the last couple of weeks, so I am going to give you the run down with a few notes from a couple of documentaries Crosslyn and I watched together on a road trip recently.

House of Hammer (HBO MAX) – One day I open up HBO (I know they want us to call it MAX these days but that sounds insane so… HBO) and House of Hammer is at the top of the screen rolling through the carousel and immediately I just said, ‘yes, I will, in fact, watch that’. I was aware of the problem that was Armie Hammer, but nonetheless, I want the details and the firsthand accounts.  The only thing I have ever watched that he was in was Gossip Girl and even through the screen, he gives you an icky sort of feeling. That being said, the most interesting part of this documentary was when they got into the family history. Dynasty, sex, money, a smidge of murder, 4 out of 5 stars.

Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV (HBO MAX) – This one has been all over social media lately, so I’m sure I am not the only one who went and watched it. I was somewhat shocked more at how many people didn’t know how problematic the situation at Nickelodeon was than I was by the documentary. I thought we all knew Dan Schneider was a creep. I feel like they could have dug more into it and talked to more people. As it is, it’s a good documentary but so many people have been talking about it that I don’t think you can learn anything new from actually watching. You might as well catch the highlights on TikTok. Celebrities, child abuse, 3 out of 5 stars.

The Truth About Jim (HBO MAX) – If you want the truth about Jim I don’t think this documentary is for you. It is interesting don’t get me wrong. It follows a woman who has decided her step-grandfather is a serial killer. Jim is dead, so there’s that, not much justice to be had here. He’s a bad guy, a confirmed serial rapist so we do at least get that truth on him. She finds some good stuff, I mean she tries hard and I will commend her for that. Some parts were quite exhausting though. She ponders that he could be two different serial killers, not one or the other, just… both of them. One is the Zodiac Killer. This was when, as someone who considers themselves well versed in criminal knowledge, she started to lose me. You can ask Crosslyn because she had to live through a bombardment of voice messages as I made my way through this one, documenting my irritation. Long story less long, by the end of the documentary nothing is confirmed, and you are left to feel pretty unfulfilled. Family trauma, sexual assault, maybe murder? 2 out of 5 stars.

BAMA RUSH (HBO MAX) – Do not watch this. I.. listen, Cross and I were on the way to a photoshoot just the other day, we were driving to a location a few hours away and we decided that this would be a great thing to throw on. It caught our attention because, at some point last year, we had said that we would love to make a documentary about Bama Rush. So, we see this and think, ‘ah someone beat us to the punch’ but someone was bound to do it right? We turn it on and we’re excited, we’re eager. It was so bad. I don’t know what to tell you, there’s so much potential. This story needs true investigation, not whatever this was. If you want to feel frustrated to the point of delirious laughter, give it a shot, otherwise heed my warming. No storyline, boring subjects, and more about the director’s Alopecia than Bama Rush, 0 out of 5 stars.

The Way Down: God, Greed and the Cult of Gwen Shamblin (HBO MAX) – This was one we watched on our road trip. This was a crazy story. Gwen, Gwen, Gwen… what can I say about this woman? Well, first, if you don’t desire to watch the documentary, please do me a favor and go google a picture of this woman. Crazy pants here was the leader of a cult that was a church that was a weight loss program. As cults go, this one is not the most shocking or well-built, but I promise you’ve never heard anything like this story. Weight loss by way of God, cult, kidnapping, plane crash, 4 out of 5 stars.

The Secrets of Hillsong (HULU) – Now that we are in an appropriately culty mindset, Cross says that we have to watch The Secrets of Hillsong, she’s watched approximately the first 2 episodes, and we need to watch it. A fun surprise for me was learning that Hillsong was a mega-church. That’s wild news because I thought that it was just a weird choir like band that played on Air1 during PE (if you’re lost so far, consider yourself lucky). There is something very interesting about mega-churches, I don’t think it would be far-fetched to think you could find darkness in the underbelly of most of them. That’s all this is. Exposing the corruption of the people at the top and how they hurt people and misuse their power in these environments. It progressively got better and more interesting as we watched from the comfort of our car and the weirdest hotel room we’ve ever been in. Corruption, sex scandal, cult, 4 out of 5 stars.

The Vow (HBO MAX) – I saved the best for last. This documentary is two seasons long and I didn’t lose an ounce of interest the entire way through. This is a truly crazy story; it starts at an already intense level and somehow only gets more insane. We’re talking about a serious cult with a cult leader who is everything and more than you would expect. NXIVM is the title of a particularly complex organization that began as a program to help people find themselves and become who they want to be and help them take back control of their lives. The truth of the things going on inside this organization and what Keith Raniere (the leader) was doing is shocking. I hardly know what to say because my mind is blown by this story. It is unnerving, heartbreaking, and complex, and I would highly recommend it. Cult, manipulation, secret society, branding, sexual/mental/emotional abuse, Tourette’s, 5 out of 5 stars.

And if you’re wondering, fetch only lasted through the first paragraph so I got to write the rest with only the interruptions of my own thoughts.